Wednesday, 15 May 2013

I Don't Miss Him

*Present day*

Two weeks. That's how long it's been since Eden last called me.
Three weeks. That's how long it's been since I last saw him.

I find myself wondering if we'll ever have a chance... if we ever had a love. I've almost forgotten how it felt. Almost. I don't think I could ever truly let it slip.

At least I'm not on that emotional rollercoaster any more. Now I've accepted that this is how it is and there's nothing I can do about it. Nothing but wait. And occasionally visit.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, or so they say.

I rarely see Adam now, but for a brief interlude when we exchange the children. You'd be forgiven for forgetting that he exists at all. I don't miss him. I spent almost half of my life by his side and now that we're apart, there's no void. There's no emptiness. I don't miss him. 

At first I considered that this might be because I've been so preoccupied with Eden... but two weeks, no word from Eden, and it doesn't change how I feel about Adam. Or don't feel. Adam wants to work things out, Adam thinks we should be together, but if there's no void without him, then I don't see the point of being with him. If there's no void without him, then what value did he bring to my life in the first place?

We only get one shot at life. I want a love that leaves a void. I want a love that leaves me pining and yearning and needing someone. Not a love that leaves me feeling sorry for him. Obliged to check if he's alright. Sad that he's sad, but not willing to do what he needs to be happy.

I'm not sure if this is a reflection of me as a person, or if it's a reflection of our relationship.

I'm going to see Eden. I need to feel his arms around me. I need to look into his eyes. After our last visit, when I just felt off beat and sad, I need reassurance.

Because although I don't miss Adam, my God, I miss Eden.


  1. Oh it's hard isnt it? I don't really know what to say here at all. :(

  2. hello lovely, I hope that you have had a chance to see dear Eden by now, fairy wishes and butterfly kisses to you lovely


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