Thursday, 18 April 2013

He just gets me

*Present day*

"People kind of, give up on you when you're in here, you know?"

When Eden spoke the words I really did know what he meant. I had considered that it would be easier to walk away than to be a good friend to him during these nine months. I could see how someone would want to give up. It plays on my mind sometimes, why am I doing this? Why am i putting myself through this? The emotional investment, the ups and downs. The financial investment with all of the driving and nights in motels. My husband and children, not to mention the rest of my family. Why was I doing this?

The answer is simple. I love this man.

I don't think it would be fair to dismiss him because of a mistake he made before I came back into his life. I think that the timing will test our love, and if we fail, then at least we'll know. At least we tried.

But some days it is SO HARD. Some days I don't know if I can keep going. I had one of those days last week. I hadn't heard from Eden for a few days and I was a wreck because of it. I hated that I was doing this to myself, I didn't want to be this person. I felt weak. I felt pathetic. Then he called. I could hardly speak to him, all of my energy was spent trying to hold back tears.

"What's wrong? You sound upset?" He asked.
"I don't know. I'm up and down." Was all I could muster. 

After a few attempts at getting conversation out of me, he gave up, said to enjoy the rest of my day, and that he would call me during the week. I felt broken.

For the next few hours I worked like a zombie, mindlessly flicking between screens on my desktop, not absorbing anything. And then my phone rang, and it was Eden again.

"I'm so glad you called back." I said softly.
"How could I not? You sound so down, what's going on?" He sounded worried.
"I don't know. I can't articulate it."
"It's not like you to be unable to say something. Why don't you write to me then?"
"Because I'm afraid I've already said too much."
There it was. I was feeling overexposed, vulnerable, and I hated it.
"No way." His response was firm and reassuring.
"Promise. Would I be calling if you had?" I found comfort in the tone of his voice. It was like a hug through the phone. "It's like before..." he continued, "Well, it's different this time, but, things have never been easy for us..."
"We'll get there. One day."

Eden proceeded to tell me the things he wanted to do when he was released, like go out for a nice seafood dinner. He said that one night he would sit down and make a list of all the things we should do together. Then he told me about his week, making jokes in attempt to get me laughing. I had to giggle when he said he'd made friends with a big, burly gay man, and that he had taken some baby oil into his cell and asked for a massage.

He knew just what to say. He knew how to make me feel better.
When I saw him last, I was telling him that I felt like a stalker, tracking him down and then following him across the state as he moved from one correctional centre to the next.

"You're not a stalker. I've known you for... well... I just KNOW you..."

He was right. He knows me. He just gets me.


  1. To find someone who just gets you is an amazing thing - and not everyone in life gets to have that. I'm lucky that I have. :)

  2. And that is what all of us long for deep down - for somebody who just gets us, and loves us anyways xxx


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