Thursday, 21 March 2013

A seasoned jail visitor

*Present day*

Third time visiting a Correctional Centre and I felt like a pro. There was no fear, no hesitation, I knew what I was doing. Not even the crowd of other visitors at the gate intimidated me today, I was a seasoned visitor now. The female guard checking my ID was familiar, Eden had mentioned she'd given him a hard time before. I made small talk with her, even told her a joke, she laughed and ushered me in. I was a vision of confidence.

The sun was shining so I decided to sit outside to wait for Eden. A toddler waiting to see his father was playing around me. He was no stranger to the place and this made me sad. What kind of life was this poor child being brought into? His young mother was sitting nearby and paying little attention to him as she told her friend about getting into a fight in a shopping centre because another girl had given her son the same name. I found myself drifting back to Judgementville. I'm not one of you.

The warmth of the sun made me feel drowsy, I'd only had a couple of hours sleep. It seems to happen every time I visit him, the night prior is spent tossing and turning as possible conversations run through my mind. 

Finally, he appeared. 

"It's hot out here!" I complained as he bent down to kiss me on the cheek.
"Do you want to sit inside?" Eden asked.

I followed him in and we sat in the corner. There was something unusually sexy about him today in his bottle green polo, tracksuit pants and Grandpa-like velcro shoes. 

"You've got a bit of facial hair going on!" I remarked as I leaned over, stroking his face. I realised that usually when I see him he's clean shaven, and this rough look was quite a turn on, it really suited him.

"I'm growing a beard, do you like it?" He smiled. "I think it makes me look a bit more mature."

He was different today, he was happier. We joked around a lot and several times he sat back and laughed loudly, I hadn't seen him do this for so long. It was nice. I'd been worried that this place was getting him down, I was so glad to see him in good spirits again. As we talked, I realised that these visits had become like dates. We were getting to know each other all over again, and it was nice, really nice. In some ways his jail sentence was a blessing. We couldn't get caught up in tearing each others clothes off, we were forced to establish an emotional connection before even considering a physical one. As much as I wished it wasn't the case, I could see the benefit. 

He talked about moving in with me when he's released and it made me uneasy, he hadn't been so direct about it before. Then when he mentioned his desire to travel again, I let him have it.

"So what am I then? A stop off? Someone you can use on your way through and then you'll just ditch me? Thanks for everything see you later?" I said in a sarcastic tone.

We were back and forth for a while, he explained his need to clear his head, I explained my need for clarity and honesty. And then finally he said the words I had been wanting to hear...

"I never said I wanted to be alone. You could come with me, I just didn't think you'd be able to?"

I tried to keep my cool, to not let him know that I had been desperately hoping he'd ask me to join him. I honestly don't know whether I would go or not, but I wanted him to want me to. I wanted to feel wanted.

I realised that it must be hard for him in there. Stuck in a cell for 16 hours a day, only able to talk to me via brief phone calls and visits for a couple of hours each fortnight. He only had my word that I was spending my time alone, that I was no longer with Adam. He had, after all, only ever known me as a married woman. And considering his turbulent past with his ex, who had cheated on him and conceived a child while he was in jail, I wouldn't blame him if he didn't trust me.

"Do you trust me?" I asked.
"Yes." He responded without hesitation. 

I smiled. We were making progress. 

"I had a couple of beers last night." I teased.
"Stop it. I'd kill for a beer. Told my little brother to have one for me on his birthday. That'll be the first thing I want when I get out." He replied. 
"The first hey?" I looked away as I asked the question, feeling a little shy.
"Well, the second. Easier to do that in the passenger seat than the first thing. You are picking me up, aren't you?"

We laughed. The guard announced that visiting time was over. We hugged for a few minutes before he kissed me on the cheek. As I walked away, he called out,

"Hey, send me some of that stuff you've been writing about me!"

"I'll send it when you kiss me properly." I winked and exited the visitor centre.

1 comment:

  1. Hello lovely, I have been busy and slack with my blog reading, but I have just caught up on all of yours that I have missed. Loved each and every one of them. I feel like I am there with you. Fairy wishes and butterfly kisses lovely


Comments give me goosebumps