Wednesday, 6 February 2013

4. Here we go again...

*Present day*

You took something from me when you walked through those doors all those years ago, and I'm not sure I'll ever get it back.

Me: "Can I come and see you?"
Eden: "Sure, when? I'm busy tomorrow."
Me: "Tonight?"
Eden: "When and where?"
Me: "Bout 8. I have no idea where though."
Eden: "Umm..."
Me: "Don't you trust me enough to have me at your place?"
Eden: "Haha, do you trust yourself?"
Me: "Mostly!"
Eden: "See you then."

I was a bundle of nerves as I drove to Eden's. It had been 8 years since we parted company, 6 since we bumped into each other on an escalator with a very brief and awkward exchange. I wasn't thinking about the consequences. I wasn't thinking about Adam. I was only thinking about Eden, and how hard it had been to be apart from him all of this time. And how uncanny it was to find out that he only lived 10 minutes away.

I was hoping that I would turn up and discover that I was looking at the past through rose coloured glasses. I was hoping that my decision to walk away would be reaffirmed, that I would know I had done the right thing.

I called him as I pulled up outside. When I heard his voice, my own voice trembled. I felt weak. He came out of the apartment block to greet me and walk me to his unit. He was bigger than he used to be and he had more tattoos, he was still SO handsome. As we walked he told me I looked great, and I giggled like a school girl.

We sat on the couch, I stared at him, and he asked me a question but I could only laugh.
"What are you laughing at?" He asked, amused.
"I don't know, this is weird, I'm nervous!" I covered my face with my hands and we both laughed. I remembered how we always used to laugh together, how much I loved it.

We caught up on the past 8 years, our kids, his numerous stints in prison. He told me about the time he was shot at, showed me the scars from the time he was stabbed. He told me that he was going back to court in just over a week to face an assault charge, that it was likely he would get locked up again. I never understood it, I never saw it, I only knew a loving man with a heart of gold.

Several times while we were talking, his hand fell to my thigh. Each time I froze, and he would quickly withdraw it and apologise, claiming that old habits were hard to break.

I wanted to see his new tattoos, there were so many. There was one on his face, I leaned towards him, gently touching his chin to turn his head. I quickly pulled back,
"I'm not trying to put it on you, I promise!" I laughed. As I moved closer again to have a look, he quickly turned his lips toward mine and then pulled away laughing. I don't know whether I was relieved or disappointed.

We talked about how I broke his heart, how I wrote him a letter and left him in tears. I told him that it wasn't easy for me either, that I cried for days. He asked if I regretted it, if I would change things, and I said no. It was just bad timing, really. If only I had of met him first. We joked about how silly he was for asking for a married girls number. How stupid we both were for not considering how it would end.

After a few hours I knew I had to leave. I had work in the morning, and a husband and family at home. If I was too late Adam would know I wasn't just stopping in to catch up with a girlfriend.

He walked me to my car.

"Come back sometime. Let's have lunch. You'll come visit if I get locked up won't you?" He spat out rather quickly, as if he was afraid he wouldn't get it out. I agreed, we hugged, and I drove away thinking maybe we could be friends.

When I got home he sent me a text...
I really enjoyed your company. You are so tempting, you look amazing.

Oh, shit.


  1. I don't know if I would be playing with that particular fire....
    Becc @ Take Charge Now via #FYBF

  2. This sounds like it could be an excerpt from a novel - I hope you're writing one!


Comments give me goosebumps