Thursday, 21 February 2013

Call me my love, please call me

*Present Day*

I lay on the living room floor with my eyes closed. I was so tired. A drunken night, an emotionally draining prison visit and the long drive home. My children played around me and I could feel myself drifting off to sleep. I couldn't resist the darkness, it felt like so long since I'd had any rest.

I heard my phone chime and was jostled awake. Feeling slightly annoyed, I ran my hand along the carpet, searching for it. Holding it up in front of my blurry, half asleep eyes, I was confused. It said I had a text from Eden. I rubbed my eyes and sat up, was I dreaming? He couldn't text me from jail! I opened the message and tried not to gasp in surprise, Adam was sitting in the next room and I didn't want him to ask me who it was. It was Eden's mum.

"It's Dawn. Did you see my son today?"

That was all it said. I froze. We'd only met once, many years ago. I could feel my breath catching in my throat, why on earth was she contacting me? What had Eden told her? I tried to sound as friendly as I could in my reply. I figured she might be worried about him, she might want to know how he was.

"Hi Dawn. Yes I saw him, he looked really good. Much happier than the last time I saw him."

We exchanged a few texts before she said,

"Thank you. I hear you have 3 children now?"

Oh... She remembered me, she knew who I was... The married girl who broke her sons' heart. I'm a mother of a boy myself, and I know how I would feel about me, if I were her...

Three days later my mobile rang, it was an unknown number. When I answered it I heard an automated greeting  advising me that I was receiving a call from the Correctional Centre. I jumped for joy and ran outside. Of course it was Eden, calling just to hear my voice. He explained that it took a couple of days to have my number added to his list. I told him about the messages from his mum and he was quite angry. He had asked her not to turn his phone on, I think he was worried about what she would read in there. Suddenly, so was I. Eden had kept all of our messages. ALL OF OUR MESSAGES. If she saw the way I spoke to him... oh dear. In my defense, Eden was the only person who I'd ever spoken to like that, he managed to bring out a different side in me, and the thought of that side being exposed to his mother sent a shiver down my spine. He ended the call quickly so he could phone his brother and tell him to give his mother a message.

The following day, he called me first thing. Over night I had rehearsed all of the things I wanted to say to him but as soon as I heard his voice, I forgot every word. I was too smitten. I told him that I had posted him some socks because I was thoughtful like that. He called me again that day, before he was locked into his cell for the night. We didn't really talk about anything in particular, but it was nice anyway.

The problem now is that he's set a precedent. I haven't heard from him today and I'm going out of my mind. I can't focus on anything, I just sit here, analysing all of the possibilities. Perhaps he's been moved? He did tell me that there will be no warning, he'll be taken to the truck and shipped off to another centre. Perhaps he's in trouble? Perhaps he ran out of money? It's quite expensive to call mobiles from in there. Should I send him some money? Then the fear hits me. If I'm not careful, I could become that person... maybe he doesn't love me... maybe he just loves the way I love him... The way I would do anything for him...

I like to think that I know him, that there is no way he would use me. But there's a little voice in the back of my mind that says maybe, just maybe, 8 years and several prison visits have changed him, hardened him... Maybe I don't know him at all. And the longer I wait to hear his voice, the louder that little voice in my mind gets.

Call me my love. Please call me.






5 comments:

  1. I have just found your blog via FYBF - now I need to go back and read all of your prior posts. Bugger you for writing so well. Ha!

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  2. Wow. Just wow. What a love story!

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